Anxious and worried about many things.
Burdened by serving.
If I have anything in common with my kindred spirit in heaven, it is this. Every year we come to this gospel and it's always a gift of grace for me: will I give it up already, or will I continue on? Will I be still already and receive the better part, or will I stubbornly persist in my way of doing things?
It's not like I don't try to serve cheerfully and with a smile, or that I don't try to remember my priorities. Who am I really serving after all, tidying the house all day and put this and that in order?
It's just that it is so easy to lose sight, with the new baby, the tight money, the plans and the infernal To Do list . . .
Having an ordered home, clean and organized, with my head around all the events and necessities of all these dear souls--that's a good thing, and a worthy goal. But not in itself. Every year, I thank God for the reminder that the organizing, cleaning, planning and executing is all for love of them and more importantly, of Him.
He entrusts me with their care every moment they are with me, and seeing about their care is fundamentally important. But let me never forget (and forgive me, Lord, but I do too often) that my loving and cheerful care of them is meant to lead them to their true home. Every task and chore is enjoined on me for their eternal sakes (and for mine), and this year, I'm mindful of that responsibility. I have to go after that persistent vanity and obstinacy if I'm going to help them get where I'm supposed to lead them.
And after all: all the work of serving isn't meant to sink me further into some petulant self-congratulation. It's not to remind me of how worthy and valuable I am, achieving so much on my own strength. Every task and chore is an opportunity to imitate the One who teaches us how to serve and sacrifice by his great example. It is a participation in his saving work, if done in the right spirit.
Can I align my will to his out of gratitude? Can I do it for love? I have a long way to go, God help me: St. Martha, pray for me!
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