Grumpy

Did you ever have one of those weeks when nothing goes as it should?  For me, it's been one of those weeks, and I'm glad I'm leaving it behind.  The knitting has been off.  The kids have been a little defiant and loud.  There's a little extra tension in the air.  The dog bit one of the kids.  Again.  He had to go.

One part of my rebellious nature--that part of me that resists holiness--is a tendency to fall into funks over this sort of pileup.  Most of the time when I'm feeling that way, I don't want to be grumpy, but I can't pull out of it.  It stinks.  This weekend, as I was sitting in the church building preparing for Mass, it occurred to me that this particular part of my existence is a cross to bear, and a beautiful opportunity for suffering on my part.  I had never thought of it that way, but it is true:  this grumpiness is unpleasant and a real weakness in me.  It shows me just how little I am on my own, and how much I need the graces and blessings that come through the Mass and the sacraments.

As soon as I received that inspiration--for those kinds of ideas are grace in action--I began to think of all those who needed my prayers.  I felt out of sorts, but many people I know are struggling, hurting and needing.  In this little suffering of mine, I can come a little closer to my Lord on the cross.  I can creep up to Him and bring those prayers, the intentions of those whose pain is greater than mine.  In my weakness and poverty, I can be closer to Him than in those moments when I am powerful, in charge and in motion.  It's as if that weakness helps me to come closer.

The Good Lord is pleased to afflict us from time to time, and sometimes to afflict us throughout our lives with some burden, inclination or suffering.  I don't always appreciate or enjoy the paradoxes inherent in His Order, but I'm learning.   All things do work towards good, and all of this brings us to Him.