Hope!

The dress is two steps from the garbage.  However, in doing a little poking around, I found two wonderful sites that have button alternatives.  First, according to this post, I can machine sew buttonholes into my sweater!  A little grosgrain ribbon lining on the private side, and there you go!  She also gives several other options (and there are more in the comments section).  Amazing!  Plus, she just posted this a few days ago--as if she knew exactly what I needed to know.

Trouble with machining in those buttonholes is that my Janome has been snotty about them.  I don't know if I can get it to go, and I wouldn't want to risk ruining the sweater that I'm about to throw in the garbage.  Seriously, though, I would run a test before attempting the Real Thing.  Perhaps using one of those many gauge swatches I have hanging around . . .

This post suggests a darker alternative:  the zipper.  Honestly, I think it's a sign from God.  I hate putting in zippers, so perhaps it's a skill He thinks I should master.  Second, this blogger has given wonderfully specific, clear and helpful directions.  Since my sewing skills were honed in 6 weeks of classes, I could use a pretty detailed primer.  There it is, like a gift from on high.

The fates of one of these two projects is now officially TBD, and I no longer feel rage and hate for it!