Conversions

“Conversion to Christ, believing in the Gospel, ultimately means this:  to exit the illusion of self-sufficiency in order to discover and accept one’s own need—the need of others and God, the need of his forgiveness and his friendship.”

I am ever grateful for the clarity and understanding of our Holy Father, Pope Benedict.  Like one of my favorite saints whose feast day fell yesterday—St. Francis de Sales—Benedict takes his call to teach and spread the Gospel with a gravity and dedication that is inspiring.  He uses the gifts he has been given to help poor souls find their way and continually renew their conversions.

Having lived over half my life with a lukewarm, shallow and simplistic understanding of what it means to be Christian, I am acutely aware of how continually I must convert to Christ.  That clawing impulse to be self-sufficient and autonomous . . . it is a wicked, creeping, deluding sickness that seeps in like water:  any path of little resistance lets in that foolish desire.  If at all it takes root, I can set myself up as a god, ruling my own little world, heedless of all else around me.  What a horror autonomy and self-sufficiency are.

Then I think of this culture we live in—what Western civilization has become.  Our gods are certainly freedom and independence, or self-sufficiency and autonomy.  O heavens!  Help us now more than ever!  How much we need the great helps of the Church and the sacraments you have so generously provided for us!  Everything around us—the whole culture we are steeped in—encourages the most virulent corruption—the original impulse to do things for ourselves and for our own benefit.

Pope Benedict teaches that no justice will ever come of pursuing self-sufficiency, "which is the very origin of injustice."  Can we be surprised at the prevailing attitudes and treatment of the poor,  immigrants, the unborn, the dying and the suffering?  How can we expect any justice when our whole joint endeavor is to search out the highest expression of sin and corruption:  prideful independence and autonomy?  God help us.  This whole world turns all against all and each against each with an insidious lure.

In every way all of us must be on guard against the desire to be autonomous and independent.  We must search out those places where we are not fully converted to Christ—where we prefer our own will to his, where we ignore his Word and reject his presence on earth because we know better and understand more.  Where we set ourselves up as gods—let us reject this delusion and embrace with humility the bare fact that we cannot do anything without him and his grace.  Let us run to the sources of his grace and turn to him in every moment to acknowledge our weaknesses, our failings, and our limitations. 

St. Paul, on the feast of your great conversion, pray for us!