On Waking

Every morning when I wake up, I'm conscious of a few things that I try to hold on to through the whole day. First, I've been given another day to try a little harder and to give my actions and thoughts over. Second, I'm surrounded by work and tasks that need to be accomplished--people have to be fed, cleaned and pottied--and above all need some hugs and love to start the day well. Finally, there's the reality that today could be the day. I could have a nasty arrhythmia and get a big shock.

Yep. Every day I wake thinking about that. I have one true fear that comes very close to "phobia", and that's electricity. I avoid changing lightbulbs, and static shocks set me on edge.

But since all of this heart stuff happened, my whole perspective has shifted. I used to wake every morning and begin making huge mental lists. Now I wake and put myself into the hands of my merciful Lord. All that I have to accomplish--I do it better if I'm with him. All that I fear--I'm confident that he takes up most of it and gives me the peace I need to get my work done.

On waking, I remember his mercy and his help, and he gives me peace.

I ask every day to have this thing taken from me. And I know that one day it will be, and my body will be whole, and I'll run a marathon in heaven. For now, there are the daily reminders that he's with me and that the peace he gives me in the morning will one day be constant. So I carry on, and hide close in his refuge.

Deep breaths, and off to wash the diapers.