Vengeance, rage and mercy

That, my friends, is where I am these days.  I'm trying to figure out a way to get back at my arrogant, condescending health providers.  I'm stuck with a fury that I haven't felt in a long time.  And I'm praying like crazy.  Drop some for me if you have a chance, because I am powerful mad.

Story is that I asked repeatedly throughout this pregnancy whether a VBAC was plausible and acceptable.  At every prenatal checkup.  I attempted to be seen by all the docs in my practice--I did my due diligence.  And SURPRISE!  The docs weren't paying a lick of attention to my questions and concerns.  Not until now, when I am about a week from my due date.

A c-section, they posit, is much safer and more controlled.  What if I went into labor in the middle of the night and ended up needing a section--would there be a cardiologist available?  Who would monitor my heart?  What would they need to safely pull off a VBAC?

Dear readers, having been a researcher myself for many years, these are exactly the kinds of questions I would want answers for--the kinds of questions I would anticipate--before I could give a good answer to such an important question.  Particularly when it involves the ONE THING that I do primarily for my job.  Certainly before I would be come a veritable cheerleader for the cause, encouraging my patient to plan and prepare.

As it is, I'm stuck.  I have to surrender myself to these people, who apparently weren't paying attention to me or to my medical history all along--there's a vote of confidence--and let them cut into me and take the baby.  Why would I have any objection?


I think that might be my favorite part--the assumption that I should just accept their conclusions without any word.  After all, I'm just a silly, hysterical pregnant lady who knows nothing about my own situation.  Never mind that neither do they:  they have degrees and certifications, so I should just stand down, smile and thank them for their benevolent care.  I am special to them, said one provider reassuringly.

Holy crap.  I'd hate to see how they treat a patient they're disinterested in!

The only two options I see for vengeance aren't really all that great, and they involve risk, anxiety and hassle.  In my head, though, it seems like it might be worth it to wrest a little power from these condescending, arrogant bastards.  I could

1.  Find another provider.  There's a physician who comes recommended at our local hospital.  Trouble is, I may be too much for him as a new patient at 38 w 5 d.  Also, I don't trust local hospitals here.
2.  Go into labor and wait, wait, wait, and then present myself when it is almost too late to cut.  How to predict these things and make them happen is the trouble here.

In the end, I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my baby (or me).  I did always know that a c-section might be necessary.  What galls me is that the reasons they are now giving should have been given at 20 weeks.  Nothing is new.  Nothing surprising has happened.  It is as it has been, and the only thing that has changed is that they noticed.

Thanks a lot, docs, for helping me in the last few days of this pregnancy.  Really appreciate all the ways you facilitate the well-being of your patients!